True communication, what exactly is that? Telling your significant other how many times you went to the bathroom while you were at work? What you had for lunch? Real communication isn’t explaining your entire day to someone, because frankly, 99% of the time, your days aren’t that interesting. True communication spans far beyond spoken words. It’s verbal and mental, as well as even physical.
More than half of the failed relationships out there, including your own, are due to the fact that there was a severe lack of communication between the two of you. In order to have a long and lasting relationship with someone, you must have excellent communication skills. You must be able to convey your emotions and your thoughts, as well as being able to absorb your partner’s emotions and thoughts.
Communication is definitely not a one-way street. The “phone-lines” must run both ways. You could sit your partner down and talk to him/her all day long about how you feel, and about where you think this relationship is going. But if you don’t LISTEN TO THEM, than all of your words are meaningless. Mainly because they know you aren’t willing to listen to them, and you will not hear them out because you are too involved with yourself to allow anyone else to join in on the conversation.
The art of listening is probably even more important than the art of talking. You will learn and grow far more in your relationships if you would sit down and listen to your partner, instead of talking and voicing all of your opinions at once. Don’t get me wrong; it is very important that you do voice your opinions. But you must listen to THEIR opinions as well, and take them into consideration.
If you feel that you are not hearing from your partner, or they aren’t “communicating” with you. Than more than likely they are, but you just aren’t listening correctly. Some people don’t communicate with words, they communicate through actions. Which, if you pay close enough attention, are far more incisive into what they want to say. But the problem is, most of us don’t pay close enough attention.
We are all consumed with our feelings; we focus on what is wrong with THEM. We are hearing what we are saying, and not what they are saying. Thus, we are solving the problem with you, instead of joining with the other person and solving it TOGETHER. I mean, you are dating another person aren’t you? So why don’t you involve them in your conversations?
“Well, they won’t listen what I have to say.” Could this be because you say the same thing far too much? If you have to nag them about something, it might be because you don’t listen to them, so they aren’t going to listen to you. People tend to mirror their surroundings. Though not always applicable, if they aren’t listening, it’s because you aren’t.
From personal experience, you will never go far in your relationships if you are “nagging” your partner to death. Another reason that they aren’t listening to anything you say, is because what you are saying frankly isn’t important. If you are one of those people that point out every “defect” in a human, than most likely they tuned you out along time ago. You can only sit and listen to someone point out every little problem with you, before you begin to stop listening to them altogether.
You must first take a look at yourself and realize that you are not Miss./Mr. Perfect. You have problems, you have issues, just like everyone else does. Your relationships will go far if you’ll stop bringing attention to the minor things that really don’t make that big of a difference.
On the other side, if your partner is not listening to you, than there could be something seriously wrong there. Ultimately, the lack of attention narrows down to a lack of respect. You must have respect for the person that you are in a relationship with, and they must have respect for you. If no respect is involved, than you will both be looking at each other as if each of you is less than the other. Which, no one is less than someone. If you are in a relationship that lacks respect, LEAVE, GET OUT, VAMINOS!!!!
Respect is something that is so important in every aspect of life. I mean, even Sister Arethra Franklin sang about it, so you know it’s important! A lack of respect equals a lack of communication, which in turn equals the beginning of the end of your relationship.
You must give in order to receive. In order to obtain respect from someone, you must show them that you are respect worthy. You can’t just sit there and expect them to automatically respect you. You must show them. How? Prove to them that you are a loyal and honest individual. Be yourself, don’t lie, and treat them as you would like to be treated. If that doesn’t gain their respect, than something is seriously wrong with them.
“We used to talk all night, but since we’ve talked so much, we have nothing else to talk about.” Well, this is a crossroad that every couple has to go through. You have been together so long, you have spent so much time together, you have ran out of things to talk about. This is very simple to get over. But first, we must look at why you have run out of things to talk about.
Ultimately, if you don’t have anything to talk about, you are becoming numb to the individual. If you truly love them, you will always have something to say to them. Even it is just “I love you.” Your conversations might not be as dynamic and powerful as they were in the beginning of the relationship. And this is simply because you know each other very well, and before you didn’t. So it was automatically exciting and intriguing. But you must realize this, and rest in the fact that you are with this person.
Though you might not have deep thoughts to divulge to this person anymore, because they know them all, you still have things in common. You still have things to discuss. Some couples can sit in a room and not say a word to each other for three hours – and that’s fine with them. This is because they are grounded in the foundation of their love, and they know that though they aren’t saying anything, they are both thinking about one another.
But if you feel that the lack of constant conversation is hurting your relationship, take the initiative. Make a point to talk with your partner – even if the conversation starts out light and frivolous, it will end on a good note – hopefully. And this will keep you both in each other’s minds. Remember, don’t wait for them to talk to you – talk to THEM!!
The most vital and important reasons that relationships fail is because they communication that is happening is because people aren’t following “The Golden Rule.” I know you all know what I’m talking about; we learned it in kindergarten – “Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.” If you follow this statement, your love life as well as every other part will benefit greatly.
But the sad truth is, people aren’t honest. They cheat themselves as well as others. They are self-centered jealous feigns. So no wonder none of us have a satisfactory relationship. We must stop and think – how do you want to be treated in a relationship? If you apply your standards of what you want to your partner, they will ultimately reapply them to you. You are in control of how your relationship will be.
In preparation for this book, I interviewed many people. And in my interviews I asked them all the same question, “Why do you think relationships fail?” The responses were all practically the same, “The Lack of Communication.”
One response grabbed my attention unlike any other. Upon asking her the above question, her answer was, “Relationships fail if the people don’t mesh or aren’t able to work as a team. People don’t communicate enough to eliminate (their) problems. Some people foolishly bet on physical attraction, which doesn’t last or simply looses its flavor like chewing gum. Some fail due to different views on life. Distance also plays a crucial role at times.”
She had several extremely great points. Let’s investigate them further. “Relationships fail if the people don’t mesh…” Meshing, something that if doesn’t happen can lead to catastrophic consequences. Meshing means to intertwine oneself with another person. Though at first glance you may think that the two of you are compatible. But further in the relationship you may find that the two of you don’t “mesh.” Communication between the two of you will quickly advise you of “anti-meshing.”
“…[O]r aren’t able to work as a team…” Some people are natural-born leaders. They are not programmed to follow, even be on a equal level with another person. Though this world needs leaders, those leaders must learn to work together as a team. What’s that saying ultimately is “There’s no I in T.E.A.M.”, again another saying we learned in kindergarten, but very crucial to a happy and long-lasting relationship.
Some people see the relationship as a Dictatorship, that they will rule, and what they say goes. You could think like this, but you will be ruling over a very, very small Kingdom. A relationship is about two people coming together as equals, and facing the world as two humans as one. Your relationship will not go far if you do not look at each other in equal-eyes, and facing your problems together, as a team. When you join together with someone, you are helpmates; you are two people that will be supportive to each other. And eventually, you will win the relationship Super-Bowl.
“…[P]eople don’t communicate enough to eliminate (their) problems…” If you haven’t noticed, this comment is the sub-heading for this chapter. This phrase, if read correctly; will solve all of your relationship woes. Every relationship has problems, but most people communicate with each other, and come together as a team to solve the various issues that arise. They either argue about them, not even trying to solve them – or they ignore the problems until the issues become mountainous, and ultimately implode the relationships.
Some people come into a relationship not expecting there to be any problems. So when one pops up, they freak out and bail on the relationship without any second thoughts. Though you might be lucky, and never have any problems with your love life (there are some out there, we’ll read about them later), most relationships have there bumps – maybe not huge – but still some roughage. You must realize that this does not mean that your relationship is doomed or that it’s a “sign” to drop him or her. You have to work on the problems, COMMUNICATE with your partner. Talk to them, but also LISTEN!!!
“…[S]ome people foolishly bet on physical attraction, which doesn’t last or simply looses its flavor like chewing gum…” Though we will go more in-depth about this subject later on, we will touch on it now. I loved how she put it, “[S]ome people foolishly bet on physical attraction…” because basically, it is extremely foolish to base your selection solely on looks and whiteness of teeth. If you do this you will be in danger of not finding that person that is genuinely right for you – because, more than likely, this person that you choose solely on “prettiness” will be just as superficial as you are – or more. So, not only will you have a short and unproductive relationship, you are bound to get hurt in the process. And forget about communication, because if you choose this path for finding your partner, you are completely ignoring the communication aspect. Well, outside the bedroom at least. And let’s face it; a good lay will only last so long before it “looses its flavor like chewing gum.”
“…[S]ome (relationships) fail due to different views on life…” No matter how cute, how bubbly and outgoing someone’s personality is, if the above is involved in your relationship, you can kiss that person goodbye. When it comes down to it, what holds a relationship together is the same views on life. There’s a saying that goes, “If you don’t have the same vision (in or about life) it leads to division.” That phrase is absolutely the truth. Though your relationship may last for a while, if your vision or outlook on life is different, than the two of you will drift apart.
If you take a close look at all of the above, you will see that each one is linked by communication or the lack of it. So when you take a close look at your relationships, communication is the foundation that will strengthen your bond. Without this, your relationship will definitely not be a lasting one.
“Relationships fail due to the lack of communication. I feel that if my first serious relationship had more communication toward our rocky periods, we could have lasted. Yet, not all relationships are meant to last, so we should only accept past relationships as personal lessons. I also feel that each person must know what they want and see if their partner can provide their needs before setting into any type of relationship.”